Yep, Still Single

When are you getting married? 

Don’t you want to get married? Are you scared of commitment? 

You should get married! You’re wasting your genes! 

If you don’t want to get married you should get yourself pregnant at least – you’ll regret not having kids when you had the chance! 

Being a single woman at a certain age in life can be very annoying, especially when you're at a family gathering. Everyone wants you to get married or have kids. It can get tiring to answer the same questions repeatedly. I know (most) people mean well but it is still such a pain.

Image by Susanne Pälmer from Pixabay

Would I like to get married? Yes, of course, I do. It would be nice to have someone to grow old with and share my life with. However, to say when and to plan it on a whim is not simple. I am single. I am not in any form of relationship with anyone. I cannot exactly pick some random person and declare that I will fall in love, get married, have kids, and have the happily ever after thing. I have met guys here and there but nothing has worked out. No one can say that I have not tried. To be honest, I'm also OK with not getting married. I'd rather not force the issue just for the sake of it.

If there is anything I believe in about love and relationships, it is that you cannot force it. Things will work if they are meant to work and so far, they just have not for me. One day maybe it will – or it will not. Nevertheless, I will NOT get into a relationship or a commitment as big as marriage if my heart is not in it. That will not be fair to me or to the guy I will get into a commitment with.

I think the same can be said about having kids. Yes, I do want children of my own but I want to have them for the right reasons. I find it wrong to have the idea that I should have children for the sake of having them. It is even worse to have them just so I can have someone to take care of me when I get older. That is so wrong. I want to have children because I love the person I will have them with. I will take care of them because I love them and not because I consider them an investment for my future. As sad as it may feel sometimes that I do not have children of my own, I would not want them to suffer if I had them and I was not ready.

All this waiting probably means risking that I would never have children of my own but so be it. Just like what I mentioned earlier, I do not want to force it. I have to be honest though: when I was younger, I considered it (think J.Lo in The Backup Plan) but now I think that it’s best not to.

As for commitment issues…I do admit to having them. I have been single and independent for so long that I am afraid I do not know or would not like being in a “partnership.” Add to that the fact that in spite of every relationship I have been in, I feel that I have only been in love once (and have this fear that I will never have that again). That is like having the Great Wall of China around my heart I know, but it is what it is.

The Great Wall of China around my heart aside, I am still a hopeless romantic. I believe in love. I believe in the beauty of marriage and commitment. I believe if the right person will come along the walls might not tumble down but he will most likely burrow his way underground and find a way in when I least expect it.

Love may or may not come for me. I may or may not have children of my own. I have made my peace with that. Anything can happen. I do not want to dwell on the “what ifs.” I just want to take things as they come and enjoy what life has to offer.

As cheesy as it sounds, I just want to do what Ronan Keating’s song says: “Life is a rollercoaster, you just gotta ride it.” 

* This is an old entry from my old blog, edited/updated for this one. Hope you liked it!